I don't really know what to say today. It is simply hard to face fears in our lives. Sticking to what we know and what we are comfortable with can make a person feel safe, but facing ones fears is like teatering on a ball on the edge of a cliff. I feel like I am growing, but at the same time it scares me to have to face everything again, the making friends, the establishing who I am in peoples minds and the defining within myself who I am and who I want to be.

Today I spent the day in Tooele with my friend who is my comfort. Then tonight I talked to my other best friend from Tooele and it made me home sick for confort. How easy it is with them. Don't get me wrong, I love meeting new people and making new friends, but Im still in that stage where I feel like I have to make a good impression on people and that I don't want to make any mistakes when I am around them. I can't say taht I wish life were simple, because I love every minute of it! I just wish that there were a pain killer for fear. Here is a list of the things that I am afraid of. Maybe you could relate to some of them?

That people will think that I am too soft
That people will think that I am too hard
that I will never master my weaknesses
that I will become fat
that I will let people down
that I will be living in my ultemate dream and not open my eyes up to see it or appreciate it
that I will never be a leader
that I am not cool enough
that I am not smart enough
that I will get lost in SLC
that I could easily be forgotten
that nobody really wants me to br there and everyone is just being nice
that I have offended someone beyond forgiveness
that I am lazy
that I am addicted to T.V., computer, and over eating

So there you have it, my fear, my negativity, my anxieties. But I don'r want to focus on the negative. I want to think about the things that make me feel powerful and brave.

When I imagine myself teaching others how to better their own lives
when I think of being adored by my husband
when I do something right for a change  :)
When someone responds well to my efforts to help them
when I know that someone loves me for who I am and accepts my bad days
When I feel included
when I am spiritually close to God
when I do the right thing even when It was really hard for me to do it
When I am patient with my kids
when I am wearing clothes that are nice
when I am on top of things
whe I have cleaned up well.

I can be brave and face doen the millions of fears that I face daily when I remember who I am, where I came from and where I hope to be going! :)